Parenting
Encouraging our children to be wonderful wild b...
As a picture book author-illustrator, I am always subconsciously looking for another story or image. I try to look for something that speaks to me, ideally something that grabs me and ignites enough interest and passion to convert it into words and art. Usually, it hits when I least expect it, as with the story of my latest picture book, Wild Beings. I watched our young son playing with a bunch of friends in our garden, and it dawned on me how they were all more akin to wild animals than civilised, domesticated humans. Jumping in puddles, climbing rocks, swinging from trees is what lights these young humans up. Messy hair, muddy feet, squeals of joy and screams of excitement are commonplace. You might have one of these wildlings at home. I know some who are positively feral. The way most children would rather run and jump than walk. The...
Encouraging our children to be wonderful wild beings
As a picture book author-illustrator, I am always subconsciously looking for another story or image. I try to look for something that speaks to me, ideally something that grabs me...
A grandmother of three reflects on the formativ...
I believe that the first five years of life are crucially formative, a foundation on which the personality of the child is built. As adults, we have daunting responsibility. If we are so busy with our adult lives that we are unable to become as children ourselves in order to respond with directness and clarity to the steady gazes that are so willing to trust and encounter us, we miss out on the beauty and joy of those early years. This dance of call and response is, to me, crucial for healthy development. When our needs and interests clash (as they most certainly will) with the needs and interests of our children, there can be much disharmony and angst. Even in the most difficult of circumstances, a light touch of awareness and humour can allow us to see the ‘knee-jerk’ and unnecessary knots that we tie ourselves up in. Children...
A grandmother of three reflects on the formative years
I believe that the first five years of life are crucially formative, a foundation on which the personality of the child is built. As adults, we have daunting responsibility. If...
Gentle approaches to helping babies sleep
Whoever coined the phrase ‘sleeping like a baby’ was not, I would bet, a parent. Of course, there are some who are blessed with wonder-babies who sleep through the night from the beginning. But for the rest of us sleep is, at some stage in the first few years of a child’s life, a major issue. Our story... My son Timmy certainly prepared me for the time ahead before he was even born. I remember lying awake whilst he tumbled about inside me like a circus acrobat until his self-appointed bedtime of 1.30 am and not a moment sooner! Then whilst he had a lie-in, I was up at six o’clock for work. This timetable continued after his gentle birth at home. I have some friends who didn’t know what to do with themselves in the first few weeks of their newborns’ lives, as their babies slept all the time....
Gentle approaches to helping babies sleep
Whoever coined the phrase ‘sleeping like a baby’ was not, I would bet, a parent. Of course, there are some who are blessed with wonder-babies who sleep through the night...
Balancing evidence with intuition
Research can help inform our parenting decisions, but it’s important to remember its limitations, writes Amy Brown Recently there has been an influx of parenting guidance urging parents to make ‘data-driven’ parenting decisions. Whilst I’m all for research (and it would be slightly odd for me as an academic not to be), it’s important to be able to take a step back, recognise that science is not perfect, and ask how it can help us best when it comes to any decision. Here are three top things to remember: 1. A lack of evidence is not the same as evidence of harm A lack of research evidence is not proof that something is not important. Sometimes research for the most obvious things doesn’t get conducted, because, well… it’s obvious. The Christmas letter in the BMJ in 2003 summed this up well. Entitled ‘Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma...
Balancing evidence with intuition
Research can help inform our parenting decisions, but it’s important to remember its limitations, writes Amy Brown Recently there has been an influx of parenting guidance urging parents to make...
We have a Barbie doll problem in our house!
I have decided to face up to reality and admit that we have a Barbie problem. The truth is we seem to be housing six and a half Barbies to date, including the one lying forgotten in the mud at the end of the garden. Also we’ve a Ken, but he doesn’t count. He’s just an Action Man living under a new identity. (And I don’t need an Action Man problem as well.) I feel it is time to confront exactly what my problem is with these dolls. Is it just an irrational loathing based on my own snobbery? Or is there something truly sinister about the Barbie Empire? Some enlightened people take issue with the contorted, inappropriately sexual body shape, and the premature luring of young children into teenage interests such as fashion and ‘beauty’. Then there’s the manipulative marketing spin, creating a consumer need for the latest merchandise,...
We have a Barbie doll problem in our house!
I have decided to face up to reality and admit that we have a Barbie problem. The truth is we seem to be housing six and a half Barbies to...
What really matters: parenting with loving acce...
There is so much information out there as to the best way to bring up your child. There are themes ranging from discipline, diet and education, to TV watching, play and personal safety, relationships and sexuality and, of course, work and childcare. Sometimes this makes me feel anxious that my children are not always getting the best care and provision. I have moved five times with young children because of family circumstances. This was not easy. However, it now seems to be a blessing. I have challenged all sorts of beliefs about what is best for my children quite simply because I was not able to control everything. I have seen children in state schools, Steiner schools and home educated. I have seen Muslim children, Christian children and children brought up without religion or with holistic spiritual beliefs. From all of these backgrounds, I have seen children who exude a...
What really matters: parenting with loving acceptance
There is so much information out there as to the best way to bring up your child. There are themes ranging from discipline, diet and education, to TV watching, play...
Co-sleeping: the secret none of us are sharing
Co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleeping in sensory proximity: however we describe it, the practice of sharing your bed with your baby or child is widely regarded as a taboo, and is an increasingly divisive subject among parents. As a new mum almost 14 years ago, I once sheepishly admitted to my health visitor that I was so tired that I’d fallen asleep while feeding my daughter in bed and woken in a panic several hours later. The stern words I received from her were enough to make sure that from then on the only way I ‘co-slept’ was on the bedroom floor, one arm awkwardly crooked through the bars of the crib as I held my daughter’s chubby hand. However, several rounds of IVF and two babies later, things changed when my son was diagnosed with severe reflux at just a few days old. Although I was experienced and confident with breastfeeding,...
Co-sleeping: the secret none of us are sharing
Co-sleeping, bed-sharing, sleeping in sensory proximity: however we describe it, the practice of sharing your bed with your baby or child is widely regarded as a taboo, and is an...
Imaginative Play: Lou Harvey-Zahra shares ideas...
The greatest wonder of childhood is imaginative play. However hard we try, true imaginative play after childhood is lost forever. Our logical mind tells us that the wooden block is not a bar of soap, or the shells are not golden coins. Imaginative play lays the foundation for creative thinking (understanding and creating solutions in later life, a form of higher intelligence). Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is more Important than knowledge.” Knowledge has a limit, but imagination is endless… Toys that develop good imaginary play skills in young children often mimic the ‘real’ world. Great toys do not come from shops, but are often repurposed household equipment and objects from nature. A play kitchen Buy or find second-hand a wooden dresser and a cooker. (You could also make a cooker from a bedside table, adding cork for the heating elements.) Assemble old little saucepans and cooking equipment. Items from nature...
Imaginative Play: Lou Harvey-Zahra shares ideas for what she believes is the best way to play
The greatest wonder of childhood is imaginative play. However hard we try, true imaginative play after childhood is lost forever. Our logical mind tells us that the wooden block is...
Paternity leave: a dad's perspective
Deciding to take paternity leave was easy for me. I wanted to do what I could to support my wife as we embarked on a new stage of our life together and I was fortunate that my employer allows dads two weeks of paternity leave on full pay rather than the somewhat meagre amounts that most dads are entitled to under the government’s statutory rates. I did think about the fact that there might be a few practical challenges that I would have to overcome due to the nature of my job as a university lecturer. I knew that there was a good chance that my paternity leave would coincide with a pretty busy time of the academic year and that this could mean that some of my colleagues might have to take on a bit of extra work for a week or two in my absence. However, I tried...
Paternity leave: a dad's perspective
Deciding to take paternity leave was easy for me. I wanted to do what I could to support my wife as we embarked on a new stage of our life...
Mindful Dad: on seeing hope
I’m watching my daughter “running fast”, from the kitchen, through the dining room, into the living room – and then back again. My heart is in my mouth because this is not a big house and the path that she is wending is narrow. Yet she continues to hurtle past me, backwards and forwards, bumping off door frames, narrowly missing the corner of the table, her feet slipping on the tiles of the kitchen floor. “I’m running fast,” she reminds me as she whizzes past – which is normally code for “I’m overtired and I need the potty, but I don’t want to sit on the potty, so I’ll run backwards and forwards instead.” Another flyby and a close encounter with the cabinet sets my nerves rattling and a houseplant wobbling in its ceramic pot. But she keeps going. This will end in tears, I’m sure of it, and my...
Mindful Dad: on seeing hope
I’m watching my daughter “running fast”, from the kitchen, through the dining room, into the living room – and then back again. My heart is in my mouth because this...
